I’m not saying that at some point love isn’t staying up until 2am phone calls or stealing kisses when you least expect it, or instantly falling for each other’s favorite songs because it is, or at least that’s what the lead up to it feels like, but real love, is so much more. It’s going out at 12am to get something to eat for your wife who can’t get out of bed, it’s listening to them as they explode with vulnerability on your living room couch talking about how they were only so young when their parents passed on. it’s remembering how someone likes their coffee in the morning without asking—without ever asking, it’s visiting someone in the hospital knowing the last thing you want to do is see them in that condition, it’s wanting to be with that person despite everything, the future, the past, and everything in between, it’s the intimate things that you don’t even realize involve such intimacy, but they do, in secret, like the pinky promises you two made behind your back, to love one another for always, in the time you thought you were in love, when you were actually just on your way to it.
Super special awesome fun fact!
Being nice to someone who you hate (if they deserve it or not) doesn’t in fact make you a two-faced shitstick.
Actually, it makes you a mature adult who knows when to pick their battles, let things go, and at least tolerate someone’s crap personality.
Anyone who thinks differently needs to grow the hell up and start maturing on an emotional level.
I got bit by a dog today.
A pretty bad bite, too.
By a Schnauzer-Something mix.
Before I begin my message, let me just tell my tale (background information never hurts).
Often times, when I make my way home from school, I take a short-cut over my neighbors’ fence. They aren’t the ones with the dog (they used to, and he was a lovely little thing, but all dogs have to go to Heaven sometime), and they know I do, and I have permission to do so (as does my sister).
Hopping over this fence, however, also requires taking a small step over my other neighbors’ fence. These people are the ones with the dog.
Now, I know that all animal activists will say something along the lines like “oh, but you don’t have permission to hop that fence! It’s not the dog’s fault!”
Allow me to render that comment invalid, as I have also been provided permission to use this fence as well.
So. Back to my story.
As I was balancing on my knees over this fence, this dog starts barking and charges at me. Sure, he may not be a very big dog, but this fence isn’t all that tall…
What happens next?
This animal jumps at me, barking and growling, and digs his teeth into one of my thighs. Lucky me, it wasn’t a good shot. Then he takes another go at me, and properly gets one of his canines properly deep just to the side of my kneecap. He loses his grip and I try to get to my feet (all the while trying not to step on his, as they were planted on the top of the fence as well), only for him to take a third jump, and latches onto my jeans and is holding on like his life depends on it.
Great. Just bloody (excuse the pun) great.
With one last effort I hop over into my backyard and away from his not-so-pearly whites.
Thank heavens, I was safe.
But my story isn’t quite done. See, I wasn’t the only person outside whilst this was happening. One of the owners of the dog was outside, and she saw the whole thing. What did she do?
And I am currently suffering for it.
So. How is this tale a message on dogs? I’m getting to that, riiiiight
What is the first thing that one should do when they get a dog? Get to know it, and train it properly. Dogs are living, breathing beings with minds of there own, and if they have any vices (not all do), you need to work with them and work through it until it is under control. For some dogs, they may bark all through the night. Some may be unable to hold their bladders and go on the carpet every time they need to go. If your dog so happens to be a biter, this is a serious problem that has to be nipped (joy, another pun) in the bud. And I’m not just talking about ferocious biting, this is meant to encompass all biting, including “play-biting.”
To quote the age old phrase,
It’s all fun and games, until somebody gets hurt.
Even though you and your pup may be just playing around, then there is always the chance that they start taking the game too seriously. A bite may come which is deeper; harder.
Sure, adults, even teens, might just laugh it off, but what about the children? Even slightly harder play bites can seriously hurt a kid. Not just physically, but it could end up scaring them off of dogs and turn them into a… cat person.
But all jokes aside, this is a serious problem. Sure, I’m fine, I’ll live, I’m not going to die from this anytime soon. But what would have happened if I’d fallen off of the fence? He’d have gone for my face, and God knows what else. It would be a lot worse for me than it is.
Dogs are not toys. By all means, have fun with them, play with them, give them all the love that they deserve! But training is one of the single most important thing when you have a pet.
Work comes first, then play.
Not just for you, your neighbors, your kids, or the rest of your family. For your darling dogs as well. Some people don’t take too kindly to being attacked, and have every right to report it to the authorities.
Am I going to? No. This is the first poor encounter I’ve had with that dog, and while I will be talking to the family when I see them (soon, very soon), I’m not going to go and start any more problems because of it.
Hopefully, this is just a one time thing!
But I do know for sure that I am going to avoid using that part of the fence as much as I possibly can.
For tips on training your puppy not to bite (if you so choose), click the here.
Every time I see a post by a Nice Guy, it’s always the same story. “I was friends with a woman, and I had feelings for her, and instead of returning my feelings, she ran off with a string of hot skeezy assholes and left me to sit on the sidelines.”
Here is a thing I’ve hardly ever heard a woman say: “You know, I was friends with this guy and he just kept dating all these other hot, slutty chicks instead of realizing that I was standing right there. All guys are insensitive and unfeeling assholes, and I’m too good for them.” And I don’t think that women don’t say that because that never happens. It does happen. It’s happened to me. I’ve been friends with guys and had feelings for them that they didn’t return. It happens to everyone.
But here’s the difference: instead of thinking that there is something wrong with the guy we’re pining/lusting after and that he might be a dickhead (which may well be true), women are taught from a very early age (in a way that men are absolutely not) that the problem is internal. “Five Ways to Make Him Notice You.” “Are You Sending Off the Right Signals?” “Wow Him in Ten Words or Less.” Women are absolutely INUNDATED with the message that male attention is something that we must earn and then fight to keep, and if this is true, then I think I realize your problem, Nice Guy.
Men are not inherently deserving of female attention.
Let me repeat that for you, just in case you missed it.
Men are not inherently deserving of female attention. And similarly, women do not always WANT male attention. Women OFTEN do not want male attention. If your advances are unwelcome, that doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with you. (Though to be honest, you seem like a dick.) I know the media has convinced you it’s true, Nice Guy, but women do not constantly crave male approval and validation.
I was out with my family one night and a male friend of mine was trying and failing to get the twist-off cap off a bottle of beer, and when I reached over and unscrewed it for him (because he is an idiot), my aunts and mother all looked at me with a certain level of concern in their eyes and said, “That’s not something you’d do if you were out at a bar, is it? Or with someone you were dating?”
Firstly, as I’ve mentioned, I do not spend all of my time hoping that the guy across from me is going to want to fuck me. Secondly, anyone who is intimidated enough by me unscrewing his beer is not really someone I feel the need to spend an extended amount of time with. And thirdly, if unscrewing his beer is a dealbreaker, there’s a whole shitload of things about me I guarantee he isn’t going to like. But I think maybe you’ve been secretly hanging out with my older female relatives, Nice Guy, because they seem to think (as you do) that I am trying to please you all the time.
Spoiler alert: I am not.
There’s a certain level of women’s behavior that is always expected to be performative, to be for the benefit of others; specifically, to be for the benefit of men. But I have never heard a guy internalize his romantic frustration in the way that women are taught and encouraged to do. And that’s so gross to me, the notion that women are inherently wanting and men are inherently deserving. It’s gross to me, Nice Guy, that you are comfortable enough with your misogynistic, bullshit entitlement to utter it out loud, where people can hear you, and that you would expect me to give any kind of shits about whether or not I’ve hurt your feelings.
It’s gross to me, Nice Guy. You’re gross to me, Nice Guy. And that’s just one of the many, many reason why I will not fuck you.
- Stop consuming certain types of mainstream media – television such as TMZ, celebrity gossip news programmes, Cosmopolitan magazine, Girls of the Playboy Mansion, etc. There is nothing wrong with exposing oneself to this form of popular culture, but try not to read/watch when you’re feeling down; all Cosmo does is tell you that the person you are right now is not good enough, that you constantly need to change… Not only that, but the reason for change is not to improve yourself, but to make you more desirable to others. This is not okay, so stop reading, throw them out and pick up a copy of ‘One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich’ instead.
- Take yourself out on dates. For years I was so scared to go to the cinema alone, even though it was something I’d always wanted to do. I think because I lived in a small town I worried that people would judge me, think I was a loser, etc. So, when I moved to the city for the first time, I took the opportunity to take myself out. It’s really quite a cool experience, try it sometime!
- Dress the way YOU want to dress, when YOU want to dress that way. Fuck social conventions, fuck what your friends might be wearing – you just do you and worry about other people later. I am always either over or under-dressed, and I certainly get some strange looks from time to time, but that’s a menial price to pay for the fact that I don’t remember the last time I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin.
- Smile at people more. When buying your train ticket, wish your teller a good morning. Hold doors open for people. I know how clichéd all of these are, but when you put acts of kindness out into the world, no matter how small they are, I genuinely believe the world rewards you back. Even if you don’t believe that what goes around comes around, I doubt anyone could deny that we treat nice looking people nicer than those with Chronic Bitch Face!
- Miss an old friend? Call them up. Have a chat. Organise a hang. Hell, write them a letter if you feel like it. Sometimes you don’t even realise what a positive impact someone had on your life until they’re back in it, even for a short while.
- Do not, whatever you do, read the ‘Twilight’ series. Okay this is another silly one, but I really do think what we read has more of an effect on our lives than we realise. If we surround ourselves with unrealistic, unhealthy love stories, for example, then we’re going to have unrealistic, unhealthy expectations for our own relationships. Thus, I think we should all read books with strong characters, decent plotlines, beautiful language and characters who can get by just fine on their own, thankyou very much.
- Forgive those who have wronged you in the past. You don’t even need to TELL them you’ve forgiven them (some people don’t deserve it, let’s be right) but once you get to the point where you can walk past them at a party and smile, you’re going to be a happier person within yourself just from letting go of all that bitterness. I promise.
- Find quotes by people you love. Stick them up around your room. Write them on your arms. Get shirts that have them printed. Get them tattooed. Write them on your walls. Words are so powerful, so why not use the words of some of the most powerful writers in the English language to make you feel fucking awesome? Examples include Rollins, Wilde, Nietzsche, Frey and Keruac. Go, consume beautiful, inspiring words.
- Realise that some people just aren’t going to like you – and that’s okay. It’s not something you’ve personally done wrong, necessarily, it’s just that some people don’t click, you know? I’ve sat by so many friends as they’ve obsessed over why someone doesn’t like them, and it gets to the point where you just have to shake them and say, “Because they’re a white rap wannabe who wears Supreme and says the ‘n’ word, yo, of COURSE they’re not going to care when you start telling us all about the Yeah Yeah Yeahs!!!” Some people just aren’t meant to be friends. Doesn’t make anyone a bad person, it just makes us all different. Which is k00l.
- Look in the mirror every morning and focus on something beautiful about yourself. Embrace it. Touch it. Remember it.Tell yourself you’re beautiful and throw away the concept that believing so is a negative, narcissistic thing. If we were all comfortable in our own skin, we’d start to fully appreciate the beauty of everyone else, so let’s take that revolution one step at a time and begin with our own reflection, shall we?
And clearly, they don’t know how the human body works. Having said that, if you have an eating disorder, go tell someone. Now. No, don’t keep reading, don’t go on scrolling, go tell. Go. I am peer-pressuring you into telling someone.
I’m not going to lie and say that everyone has a perfect figure. Obesity is a thing that plagues a great many people. However, that doesn’t mean that people aren’t beautiful, or have the potential to be beautiful.
So, to the people who have self-image problems, don’t fret. There is always something that you can do to become who you want to be, in a healthy way.
There are people to talk to, too. Whether it be in person, over the phone, or anonymously. Stop fretting about how you look. Stop fretting about how other people think that you look. As soon as you can see beyond what is skin deep, I can promise you, things will start looking up.
You are going to soar to heights unimaginable.
… Which leads to something like this:
No matter your body size and figure, you have the potential to be beautiful.
I say potential because too many girls nowadays hide themselves underneath massive sweaters and sweatpants. They need not, why hide? Don’t be shy about what you look like.
Go out there and be confident in yourself. Beauty will follow.
A number of years ago, I had a friend. A best friend. And it was great, we were super close. He really was the friend that everyone wishes they had.
We could (and would) talk about everything. We liked the same things to do for fun. We both appreciated the moments in life when things were looking up, even if they had been poor the hour before.
I remember that a week before my birthday, our parents and sisters (who were also BFF’s) got together to go to the pub at our local mall for dinner. When we were done, the two of us walked around the mall for a little bit. We came across a store, and I began to admire a necklace. He noticed, and asked if I wanted it for my birthday. I told him that yes, I most certainly did want it. Then we walked back to our awaiting parents and left for home.
Soon, it was my birthday (I had turned 11). I tore open all of my presents, and when I got to his, I ripped it open too. Inside was a necklace, but it wasn’t the one that I had been looking at a few days previously. I must have looked disappointed, because he told me that I shouldn’t worry, it wasn’t my real present.
At school a few days later, he handed me another messily hand wrapped present (it was the thought that counted), and I asked him what it was (by this point, I had given up on ever getting that necklace). He just laughed and told me to open it. So I did, and inside was the beautiful necklace that I saw at the mall.
As it turned out, the necklace had been bought by someone, so when he and his mum looked for it, they couldn’t find it. However, he didn’t want to leave me without a present, so he bought the other one as a replacement. But then he told me that every day, he got his mum to bring him back to the mall, in the hopes of finding a similar necklace.
And he did. I was happy and dare I say it, proud to call him my best friend.
A while later, we grew apart. He became mean and I turned defensive. Though we tried being friends again, we never quite clicked the way we used to. Now, if we see each other, we offer the other a passing nod and maybe a smile, but not much else.
So while this may seem like a life story, consider it a message on friendship.
Even though the distance between you and a friend may have grown and level of communication plunged, the memories of how close you were will always be there.
And deep down? You know that you’d always wish that you could go back to how things were.
So keep your friends close. They’re like balloons (meaning once you let go, they fly away, never to be reached again), so tie them to your hearts so that you never drift so far apart that you can never get back together again.
Life is too short to diet.
Yes, you heard correctly. I hear too many friends talk about how they hate the way they look. They don’t eat. Or when they do, they complain that they’re fat.
Hey friends? NO. YOU DON’T GO HATING YOURSELF. I WILL HUMP EVERY ONE OF YOUR FACES UNTIL YOU BELIEVE ME.
This goes for all of you viewers too. You know Marilyn Monroe? She was the Sex Goddess of her time, but then being a twig became the new “in.” So she committed suicide.
And look at her, she was gorgeous!
And this goes to show that sometimes, it doesn’t matter at all what you think of yourself. Because you are wrong. Like Marilyn.
Think of it this way, if you still don’t believe that you are beautiful (and this goes to every last stunning one of you), there will always be an aspect of you that is more gorgeous than anybody else in the room, or building, or city, or country, or continent, or even the whole wide world.
It can be anything. Even the placement of that mole on your shoulder, or the peppering of freckles on your face, or your eyebrow position, or your that “embarrassing” birthmark you refuse to show anybody. And just in case anyone has been recently broken up with and is having an internal struggle with themselves thinking that they suck, here’s a thought…
The person who’s left you? They just opened up a position for someone who really loves you. You no longer need to settle. You are better than that. And you know it.
And if that jerk face says otherwise, blast their face off with everything you’ve got!